Hangover...

I realized a long time ago that dating in SLO has many pitfalls, but perhaps the biggest one is that my girlfriends have either dated or slept with all the boys our age. They've even slept with the same guys and later compared notes. I have sat through too many dinners where the girls bitched about another girl dating a guy one of them hooked up with years ago. They commonly refer to guys as "my Chris" or "Alicia's Cody", even if a decade has passed. These prefixes allow for all to know who conquered and claimed said males, and who you'll be crossing if you attempt to do the same. I get it, there's a code. But there's also the rules of supply and demand. When there are X amount of guys and 2X amount of girls, chances are you're going to hook up with a friend of a friend's.
I haven't really been myself lately. I've been drinking too much, going out too much and just not caring. I blame all of this behavior on not running (injury and illness). When I run, I go to bed early and fill my spare time with the gym or exploring trails. I don't have time to mess around with 21yr. old boys (yeah, I went there). I also don't drink a lot when I'm running because I'm constantly thinking about hydrating for the next day. Money that I've been using on dinner and drinks would typically be earmarked for new running gear and another race. Needless to say, running keeps me out of trouble.
I think I've been bored. And I haven't really run for two months. Excuses, I know. I'm just trying to figure out how I got here. The first night of debauchery was laughed at. Really? Did I do those things? Haha. Funny. But by Round 4 I was just as puzzled by my behavior as some of my friends. And then I crossed that line.
I hooked up (in the most innocent of definitions) with a "friend" of a friend. To be fair, I didn't know who he was, but he definitely knew who I was. One of my biggest fears is that I will just settle for the first guy who pays attention to me, and thus far my actions have proven me right. One of the things I miss most about being in a relationship is falling asleep next to someone; unfortunately no girlfriend can give me that. So I basked in the compliments that this tall, cute boy was showering me with. Then as I got more drunk I gave in completely to the flirtation. Lame. Fast forward two hours and I was walking home, hand in hand with a dude I'd just met. Somewhere between then and the next morning when I woke up, bits of information started clicking in my drunk little brain. Things he had said that night and things Girl X had said started matching up and I realized who I was sleeping next to. Her EX! I shook him awake (5am wake up call) and asked if he had dated Girl X. He responded with, "I thought you knew." My response was "Shit, she's going to kill me!" I grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. I did the 20 minute walk of shame (yeah, I was one of those girls) and tried to figure out what the hell had happened. I knew if I told her she would make my life miserable, but I didn't like this feeling of guilt that was starting to pull on my heart.
The next day I called the person I knew wouldn't judge me and spilled all to my baby sister. When I was done, she said "That doesn't sound like you. What are you going to change?" I realized that the people I was doing those things with were more drinking buddies, not friends. You can't really lean on a drinking buddy. And I do want a relationship; a boyfriend. I want to get married and have kids. I'm not going to get where I want to be if I continue making these choices. It's kind of like that Coldplay song, "When you get what you want, but not what you need."
So, for the past three weekends I have made a point to stay home, not drink and spend time with the people I love. I bought new running shoes and I've gotten back into the swing of running. I'm not saying I can't drink or go out, I just need to get right with myself before I do. I haven't told Girl X about her dude and I probably won't. Turns out, she's still hooking up with him and dating some other dude. So, yeah. It turns out running does more than keep me sane, it also keeps me out of trouble.