There is no Santa Clause

I don't even know how to start this. My mind is spinning the conversation over and over and I still want to cry. Perhaps the best word is distraught. I am distraught.
Today I got to see my best friend, J, whom I haven't seen in a year. She is without a doubt my best of best friends. She is the other part to my puzzle piece. She can pick up my spirits and give out a good tongue lashing all in a matter of minutes. She is fiercely loyal and someone I have counted on as a constant in my life for 16 years. She lives in a different state and we don't get to see each other a lot. But we still talk on the phone and when we do see each other we revert back to the roles we had growing up. It's nice to know that some things don't change. I can think of no better way to spend an afternoon than swinging in the hammock giggling and sharing with a best friend.
The conversation started innocently enough. You see, J just filed for divorce- on February 14. But we weren't sad. Yes, we mourned the marriage and the hopes and dreams that went with it, but we also celebrated the fact that J was free. Free to pursue her dreams. Free to make her own decisions and find what makes her happy. J's wasn't a happy marriage. She had found her husband in compromising positions with other women. She had been forced to leave California because that's what he wanted. She was told he didn't want kids, even though he had once promised otherwise. And J was not completely innocent. She used her intelligence and acerbic tongue to insult and degrade him every chance she could. Two unhappy people only make each other miserable. So after five years of marriage they chose to end what probably shouldn't have been started.
After covering all of the important things (where will you live? what will you do?) we moved to the more trivial, do you think you'll start dating? I asked her this after warning her about a series of unfortunate dates I'd been on.
She looked me in the eye and said, "You can't judge me. Promise me that." What?
J then proceeded to fill me in on her "friend". A man she had met 7 years ago had found her on Facebook over a year ago. She was flattered by his attention but pointed out that they were both married. He claimed that he merely wanted to be friends, but in that same message confessed to having been attracted to her when they first met. Facebook messages gave way to texts, then skyping. Now as her marriage is over it has become non-stop phone calls and flirting. And yes, he's still married- with two kids.
As my mind began to realize that J was inserting herself into the plot of a lame Lifetime movie my heart began to sink. Growing up I had a very close group of girlfriends who were all religious and though we didn't go to the same churches (we were Catholic, Protestant and Muslim) we all shared the same core values. When J was baptized we all went, we celebrated Eid with S and they all came to my Confirmation. We held each other responsible and accountable. They were and are my moral compass. These friends are the voices in the back of my head whenever I waver.
J must've sensed my growing anger because she stopped and asked, "What are you thinking? Are you mad at me?" Yes. I was mad that she could so brazenly think that her actions would have no consequences. I was mad that she could be so selfish and think only of what she wanted. I was mad that the person I had always counted on to stand on the right side of good could be so wrong. How could she think that this was right?As I told her all of this I started crying.
"P, this is different than you and Aaron. I haven't slept with him. He's in a loveless marriage. He wants out."
I knew she would be defensive and stubborn, but my job as a friend is to tell her when she's making a wrong choice. She would do it for me.
I pointed out that her distracting him couldn't be helping his marriage. It's one thing for him to give up on his marriage on his own, and something completely different for him to be carrying on and deceiving his wife. How could J want to be in a relationship that has so much deception? Wouldn't he do the same to her? As J started to cry I knew she had thought of these things, as well. I reminded her of how when I found out Aaron was cheating on me and how she had sat on the couch wiping my tears and how she had held back my hair as I threw up from all the turmoil.
Reaching out my hand, I looked at her and said, "I don't want you to be THAT girl. That girl that I hated. It's not worth it, is it?" As J hesitated, I said "Then you have changed. You would have never thought this was right." I might as well have slapped her. "Don't say that! I am still me, P. It's still me. I feel like you're disgusted in me. I'm J and you're P. I'm still me."
We stopped talking about it after that and sat in silence. Eventually we decided to get some food and watch the last of the basketball game. But it still hung over us.
And when J went to leave I said our usual goodbye, "You're J and I'm P and I love you." But before I let her go, I whispered, "I'm not judging you. I just know that this won't make you happy."
I don't know what will happen to J and A. I wonder that she can't see that this is so wrong. I will keep reminding her what the right choice is, because that's what friends do.