Unicorns

I have theories. In fact, I have theories about some of these theories (meta-theories?). I border on the verge of crazy-town ever so often and these theories rationalize most of my actions.
I haven't seriously dated in the last three years. THREE YEARS! I've gone on the occasional date and the even more rare second date, but nothing serious. Initially, after my last relationship I had decided to take a year off and "date myself". I would do all the things I wanted, and I gave myself permission to be as selfish as possible.There was no set end date and no real reason why I decided to make it a year. So a year passed. And in that year I really started to get to know myself. To consciously choose to do things by myself, for myself. I really honed in on the things I loved and that which was quintessentially ME. In that year I made more friends and my social circle expanded. I put all of those friendships before any relationships. With so much love from my friends I was happy being single. I didn't need a boyfriend when I had a gaggle of best friends who loved me. And that year quickly melted into two years.
Last January was a turning point. Suddenly, my friends were all pairing up. Two best friends became engaged and everyone else spontaneously found a significant other. It was like musical chairs, but the music stopped playing for me. Game night became awkward when the couples had their "inside" jokes and I was left with no partner. I was no longer included on movie night and I became appalled by my friends' need to constantly touch or kiss each other as I attempted to have a conversation. Everyone was twitterpated except me.
I resolved to remedy the situation by finding a boyfriend. Easier said than done. After being set up on a series of horrible dates (a guy who may have been gay, the construction worker who was dumb as nails and the breathy, nerdy guy from church), I decided to take matters into my own hands. On-line dating. Match.com to be exact.
I paid for a month's subscription and waited for the inevitable onslaught of potential suitors. And it came. The number of cheesy lines and "winks" was initially an ego boost. But as I looked deeper at these guys I realized the flaw of on-line dating: too much information can be a bad thing.
Back when I lived in LA and did the whole party scene my friends and I came up with a game called "Find the Fatal Flaw". It was our way of guaranteeing that our hearts wouldn't be broken like they had in the past. Self-preservation, if you will. Everyone was responsible for sizing up any guys the others were interested in. My weakness has always been tall, blond boys. And while I became weak in the knees my friends would quickly point out the cell phone strapped to his belt (how did I not see it?) or the gum he was chewing (a clear sign of halitosis). Find the Fatal Flaw guaranteed that no one was good enough for us. We would give out wrong numbers, point and laugh and pat ourselves on the back for seeing past all the pretty faces.
As I perused profiles on Match I started finding "flaws" in everyone. Too tall, too short, too nerdy, too dumb, not cute, too cute, he smiles weird, he's a Republican, he's a vegetarian, too skinny, too fat, he does (_____) for a living. I realized if I was still playing Find the Fatal Flaw I probably wasn't in the right place to be dating. So I canceled my subscription.
And here I am, one year later. I've been on a couple of dates and realize that there are some great guys out there, but usually I just want to make them my friends. Friends tell me I'm too picky, but I think I deserve to be. And from this picky-ness the theory of the Unicorn was born. I am a tomboy at heart, I like to get dirty, watch sports, eat steak and drink beer. My personality can be loud and demanding, at times. Because of this I am often attracted to "jocks". They understand wanting to go play catch/tennis. They get that I thrive on competition and like to "sweat out" my issues. They understand the loved up feeling I get about March Madness and checking my bracket every night. They get that Sports Illustrated will be read cover to cover and you don't interrupt me during a playoff game. That being said, I am also a girly-girl who refuses to wear flats on a date and hot pink is still my favorite color. I balk every month at having to pay rent, but will drop a wad of cash for a new dress without batting an eye. I also am a sucker for a good "nerd". Those guys who understand the importance of literature and grammar. They wouldn't be caught dead texting me "Sweat dreams" (that's you, Mr. Construction guy). When I propose a trip to a museum or the Boeing factory they don't roll their eyes. They enjoy movies with subtitles and are willing to try new foods. We can have a conversation with differing views and come away having learned something new. We can play history hop-scotch as we discuss the ramifications and historical context of world events. My conundrum is that I am attracted to jocks but crave the intellect of a nerd. To find all of these things would be rare, much like finding a unicorn. So, my quest for a unicorn continues.